Music Before the Money

In 1975 I put my Gibson L-5 away and bought a second-hand Gibson Hummingbird, the second-in-command of the Gibson dreadnought line (the Dove being the flagship). I still have it and it is probably the prettiest guitar on the planet.

Up until the Hummingbird debuted in 1960 all Gibson guitars were round-shouldered. The square design was to copy the Martin dreadnoughts which were the folk standard at the time. The Hummingbird has mahogany back and sides, a decorative pickguard with a hummingbird dipping into a flower and mother-of-pearl fretboard and headstock inlays. The top is spruce (naturally) and the fingerboard is rosewood. The standard finish is cherry sunburst, although some natural finish models were produced.

The Gibson Hummingbird was winner of Acoustic Guitar’s Player’s Choice Award for the Dreadnought Category in 2000, and was described thus: “The Hummingbird has a very wide range of sound, from gutsy and loud, to sweet and soft. Superb for all styles of playing, whether just chording or playing intricate solo’s.”

As for me, it was a great companion on the road and I even took it to Fiji and Australia. Right now it’s hanging on my wall - not as an ornament, because I do play it - because I love looking at it.

“It’s not how far you fall,
But how you rise back up that is the measure of a man/woman.”

There are many versions of this saying but this is may favorite. Believe it or not Anthony Hopkins says this to Jennifer Lopez in Maid in Manhattan and I don’t think there is anyone who can discount what Hopkins has to say about anything!

What is a “Faller?”

As an experienced “faller” I have resorted to many ways to stop sliding when I feel overwhelmed. It’s a feeling of helpless when daily issues suddenly seem insurmountable or meaningless. I think, “What’s the use?” or “I’m doomed to be a perpetual loser.”

Falling to me is not a daily, or even weekly, event but happens more than a half dozen times a year. This is actually a good thing because it used to happen with more frequency and the events used to last days even weeks. Doctors call it many things but depression is the most common label. In my case it’s more complicated and taking pills (I did for a year) just slowed it down for me and made me care less about it instead of finding new ways to deal with the situations.

Climbing Out

Hopkins’ words in the movie stick with me because that’s exactly what I have to realize everytime it happens. Now I warn my family and they give me space instead of wondering what they did wrong to attract such treatment from me. I’m not violent at all, just quiet and moody - which is probably worse. Now, when I know what’s happening I batten down the hatches and look for keywords and thoughts to stop the slide. Then I read some great self-empowerment material to refill my head with information to regain my power.

Clinical response?

Yes, it is a clinical response on one level. But it beats pills. And I have stopped beating myself up for being this way because, whatever causes it, it is a depression that I have dealt with in many ways over the years. I have lost good friends, girlfriends and advancement situations because I have “showed my true side.” Then, just after I realized what I had both done and said to my friends, I would spend up to a month battering myself up for it.

I have read about Vincent van Gogh, Jim Morrison and many other artistic people who “dealt with demons.” Being a musician and writer I know what they went through. Many like them became famous but could not deal with their situations and died young, but after causing pain to many people around them. I may have the same type of malady, but I know that now. I know what it takes to rise up.

Triggers

Just as triggers sent me into the spiral they can get me out:

• Counting blessings: I have hundreds of things for which I am thankful.
• Realizing how far I’ve come: This when I look at the achievements I have made and not the failures.
• Family: I look at how healthy my kids are and how my wife has stuck by me through a lot of downers.
• Future: There is a future. It is brand new and I can shape any way I feel like.
• The Past is the Past: Just like the baboon sage in The Lion King.

Now go make your own triggers.